Royally Rogered.

I woke up this morning with a very sore bottom. I noticed even a slight raise in the flesh where the indentation of the leather belt smacked my bottom. Possums,I had been tied, belted and royally rogered. It was rather pleasant to say the least. So how on earth did a good housewife get herself in this position? (Excuse the pun)

Well it was instigated really by a pair of shoes, Chinese food, nasty emails to a third party and next thing I knew I was taken from behind, tied up and belted before I could say, "Pass the soya sauce". As the entrepreneur that I am, a new line of business opportunity was taking shape in my mind as I experienced the anatomical limitations one has when dealing with straps, hooks, buckles and gravity and what to wear to next unemployment "starta eget" meeting. Could I get away with a horse's holster over my business shirt- would they notice at arbetesförmedling? Computer says, "yes". I was multi-tasking, Possums. The affliction was inspiring as I was getting my bottom paddled.
Could I have found a niche business and have spanking accessories Tupperware parties? Highly possible, seeing that Christmas is around the corner and the unemployment levels have risen to a whopping 8 percent, Social Democrats have to regroup after Mona's exit and the Swedish King is having dinner at home tonight, or is he? It's all about seizing opportunities and knowing when the moment is ripe.

But I digress... back to being royally rogered. I can recommend the following; Bow Pose (look it up if you are not familiar) arms and wrists strapped to ankles- straps need to be either thick rubber bands that stretch or he has to be strong in his chest to be able to pull you up by the straps from behind as he enters you.
Alternatively, a belt strapped around your waist, leather of course, pulled tight like a corset. Your arms pulled back and your wrists tied with his so that you should feel your skin scratching against the leather strap. You can also do this sitting on a chair, you on top and him underneath. Your wrists tied to his wrist- you both have yoga pull and push of your union where he can pull you up with the straps or you can push back. Your legs straddled across his torso, preferably ankles buckled to something solid. Suggest buying hooks and strap mounts when visiting IKEA next and bolt under table, might also want to consider bolting down table legs while you are at it.
The kids or neighbors do not have to know everything. Discretion, mystery and denial is the back bone of long lasting family and marriage life. If the styrelsen leave a post-it note in the elevator complaining about the noise just tell them the truth, you were getting beaten up. They'll never mention it again as the truth is just too confronting, eller hur?